Our society has made it very easy to depend on others or other things to raise our children. It's the standard and what's "normal." We have public and private schools to do the academic teaching, Sunday school and youth groups to spiritually train them. Extracurricular activities, clubs, and sports teams to teach them integrity and teamwork (and to keep them out of trouble). We even have fast food to feed them. The media: TV, movies, magazines, and music to "show and tell" what is trendy, popular and virtuous – or not. All of this topped with a slew of electronic gadgets revolving around our children’s peers. It recently crossed my mind that many children are being raised by children, strangers, and the ideas that strangers value.

Written that way sounds like an ugly exaggeration of today's world. But is it? How often are we told that parents are the greatest influence in their children’s lives?

Sadly, many parents are robbed of the confidence to be the greatest influence in the lives of their children. Our culture has provided so-called experts to do it for us. Along with that, the pace of standard American life doesn’t encourage time to reflect how well are we, as parents, building up our kids.

Everyone is given a parenting toolbox. It may come with some very good and helpful tools and likely some that need to be replaced. This parenting toolbox also comes with the license to intentionally ask questions of ourselves: how can I do it better; better for myself and my children?

Parenting is a building project, beginning with pouring a good foundation.

What foundation would best benefit today’s generation of kids? My husband and I have found that our foundation begins with teaching them two pivotal truths: 1) That God created them in his image and 2) that God is real and worth discovering. If this is new territory for you, don't shy away from exploring it along side your child. Kids need parents who admit they don’t always know the answers, but are willing to take the time to find out together. We can only help our kids on their journey as far as we are willing to go ourselves. Yet our journey can be part of their journey too. I have found this in my own life when I tell my children I’m not certain of the answer, but let’s explore it. Then we get dictionaries and Bibles out. We go online together and research what we can find.

That was the foundation we laid with our children, ages 10, 12 and 14. So far it has sustained our relationship throughout each growth spurt we have passed through together. We have shared from our experience and knowledge, but not claimed to be the experts.

Jesus usually isn't visualized as a parent, a dad. After all, he was a single man who hung out with a small band of other men. But the way he taught and modeled relationship with those men is a great example to us as parents.

He built up a trustworthy relationship with them from the beginning. He made an impression on them through his acceptance and love, so much so, that they were willing to listen to him. He spent significant time with them to give them the big picture of life. He pointed them to God. He taught through stories, answered their questions, gave them instruction on living wisely. He did life naturally with them, going where they would go. He watched life happen and talked about what that meant for everyone involved. He warned them about those who might teach them false things. He took them away for one-on-one times. He prayed for them. In the end, he called them friends and set them free to fulfill their life's mission.

This is intentional parenting at its best. This is the kind of parenting to foster from the beginning and work out with consistency all along the journey with our kids.

God gave these words to Moses in Deuteronomy 6:6-7 to guide us. "These [good ways of living] that I give to you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."

Too often we are subtly being asked to give up our place as parents. Let's take it back with passion, grow into confidence and build up our kids to be appropriately human. Let’s grab onto Jesus' example of what it means to be the greatest influence in their lives.

*Ellyn is an astute learner and gifted teacher, having professionally lead children's work in three churches. Originally from Minnesota, she's been actively engaged in her local mountain community for 12 years. Her many hats include, not only her work at Soulation as an administrative assistant, but as wife of a city councilmember, a mother of three (two daughters and a son), a culinary extraordinaire, a home-school teacher, and a focused friend.

She has actively developed a philosophy of parenting, walking alongside her kids, freeing them to be on their own journeys and living with their own questions. This may be why her favorite piece of Facebook Flair reads, "It's called thinking... go with it."

Ellyn dreams of the day when she will have abundant time to read, sing, and paint.

This year she celebrates 20 years married to her husband, Scott. They make their home in Steamboat Springs, CO.